why?

So lately I've been arguing with myself about why I do things, why I believe things, and such. I thought I'd share some of my thoughts tonight.

First on my mind right now is why am I not in bed? That's obvious - I'm too busy thinking of other things to write! Anyway, more seriously, why do I believe in God? When did I start and why? I guess it's kind of hard to answer, because I really don't have a turning moment where all of a sudden it made sense to me. It kind of happened slowly, and maybe that's how it is for most people. I don't know. All I know is that I believe.

I was baptized last summer by a wonderful campus minister named Scott. We talked a little bit about what baptism meant, and what I thought it meant, and why I wanted to do it. I had already been baptized as a baby - why do it again? Well, that's simple. I wanted it to be a choice that I made, a decision on my part to walk with Jesus and be a follower. My parents were awesome for baptizing me, but I really didn't feel like it was a choice I made. Being baptized last summer brought me closer to God because I was able to make that choice. It wasn't forced on me - it was something I had thought about, acted upon, and chose for myself. Of course, with God leading me. This time it was up to me to walk with Jesus. This helps answer my where question, because this is where my relationship with God started to really mature.

But how did I get there?

A series of only a few events lead me to Scott and being baptized. I can probably list them in 10 things or less. Here it goes (from most current to oldest)

1. Student Training Program
2. His House Christian Fellowship
3. Sam
4. Bible Study at the yellow house (summer after graduation)
5. Vespers, Benton, and Dane
6. Eric
7. Krystal & Brenda
8. Church in Calumet
9. My dad.

See? I knew I could do it! Let's start with number 9 - the oldest. My dad played an enormous role in me becoming Christian. How could he not? He was a pastor himself. However, as much as I wish it was, it wasn't his sermons that helped me believe. I didn't listen to those when I should have. It was actually him getting sick, being in the hospital, and not seeing him for weeks at a time. That was my own teenage fault. I could have went to visit him, but I was terrified. I talked to him on the phone, but I was scared of looking at him. I spent a lot of time in Calumet staying with friends, and going to church with them. Thats where number 8 comes in. It seems like everyone at church knew what was going on with my dad, so they were all very supportive of me. I was hugged, prayed for, and talked to. I loved knowing that people cared about me.

This also helped my relationship with Krystal and Brenda - number seven. We became closer than ever, and talked about God and believing more often. Then we met Eric - number six. Actually, I can't say we "met" him. We already knew him, but we started talking to him more and more. He invited us to this worship service for college students on Sunday nights. Number five - Vespers. I fell in love instantly. It was people my age (well, a little older as I was still in high school) all getting together to worship. Instead of learning from people a lot older than me, I was learning from people my age. It all started to make more sense to me. Benton and Dane quickly became friends to me, and soon it was summer. This is number four - bible study. I can't remember who invited us first - Benton or Eric, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we were invited and we went. This was a big move for me especially. Even though I was the pastor's daughter, I didn't know as much about the bible as I thought I should. I was scared to go, but was also hanging on the edge of my seat wanting to learn more.

After bible study every week and the occasional bonfire and barbeque with everyone, summer ended, and I was off to college! And at college is where I met one of my great friends, Sam (number 3). He was one of the first, and kindest, people I met at college, and introduced me to His House Christian Fellowship(number two). Without him, I don't think the rest of that list would have been able to exist. He encouraged me so much, and I don't think I ever said thank you enough. So thank you, Sam!

Finally, number one on my list was the Student Training Program. All I can say about it was it was simply amazing, and I learned more about myself than I thought I would. I met Scott, who was our host, and three days later I was baptized in the river by Scott, with new friends there to cheer me on.

End of story? Of course not! That'd be too easy. Now we know the background story of how I came to believe. But why?

This part is easy, but hard at the same time. I believe because I can't imagine not believing. I believe because of the feeling I get when I read the bible, and when I hear and sing praise music. I believe because of the people in my life. I believe because I know God is there. He's listening. He's the friend I can (and often do) lean on when there doesn't seem to be anyone else.

Of course, if someone were to ask me why I believed, that's not what I would tell them That's too long, and one of the lessons Sam taught me was to be short and sweet with it. So here it is in a nutshell:

Before I became Christian, I was bitter, selfish, and had a short temper. When my dad became sick, I felt I couldn't turn to him, and instead turned God. I found a friend in Him when I felt most alone. With God in my life, I was a new person - self-less, happy, and patient.