love is in the air.

Today has been a very lazy day, but much needed. I refused to wake up until 10am, and then lounged around until around 11. Then I finally decided that it was time to shower and get ready for the day before visiting my mom on her lunch break at 1pm. I love lazy days like today, and one thing I love to do on them is listen to music.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of different music. Not "different," but different from my normal style. Here are today's findings:

I absolutely adore the song "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar. It's an adorable little love song, and whenever I get married, I think I want it played at my wedding:

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Another song I found a love for today is "Anyone Else But You" by The Moldy Peaches. It's another love song, if you didn't catch that from the title. What makes this different from the mass of love songs played on the radio is that it seems more real. It talks about the quirks and uniqueness of eachother. It, too, is adorable. I won't post the lyrics for this one, but give it a listen. If you're a sucker for love songs like I am, you might enjoy it.

Tag... you're it!

Alright, Emmy tagged me to list 10 weird or random things about myself, so here it goes!

1. I'm mildly allergic to the sun. Nothing too serious, but after about 10-15 minutes of direct exposure, I get itchy and red and bumpy. Nothing Claritin and sun block can't fix, though
2. I "met" my oldest brother Eric through email last year. He's really cool, and has a three year old daughter.
3. I'm obsessed with socks. I can't stand wearing dirty socks, or socks with holes in them. If I could, I'd wear a brand new pair each day. But that's not very practical.
4. Old people make me sad. Literally. Seeing the elderly cry almost makes me feel worse than seeing babies cry. Usually babies cry when they're hungry or dirty, but the elderly cry over their lives ending. It's horrible.
5. I've changed my major like, four times, and switched schools.
6. I love cafe's. Everything about them. It's where I do most of my writing, and the people often inspire characters. Maybe I'll post a story sometime.
7. I can't wait to be a mom. One of my friends and I actually came up with a list of names for when we become moms. Jack and Max lead for boys, and Evelyn and Rose are tops for girls.
8. I always remember when I meet people. If I see them two years later, I still remember meeting them, whether they remember me or not.
9. I like having male friends more than female friends, but wouldn't trade my girlie friends for anything. I just find it easier talking to men about things. I'm weird, ok? :-)
10. I look nothing like anyone in my family. Example - in a picture of me with four of my cousins, there's one blonde and four with dark brown/black hair. I'm the blond. There's one with green eyes, the rest with brown. I have the green eyes. I stick out like a sore thumb in my family.

And I'm going to tag... Krystal, Brenda, and for kicks and giggles, Josh.

why?

So lately I've been arguing with myself about why I do things, why I believe things, and such. I thought I'd share some of my thoughts tonight.

First on my mind right now is why am I not in bed? That's obvious - I'm too busy thinking of other things to write! Anyway, more seriously, why do I believe in God? When did I start and why? I guess it's kind of hard to answer, because I really don't have a turning moment where all of a sudden it made sense to me. It kind of happened slowly, and maybe that's how it is for most people. I don't know. All I know is that I believe.

I was baptized last summer by a wonderful campus minister named Scott. We talked a little bit about what baptism meant, and what I thought it meant, and why I wanted to do it. I had already been baptized as a baby - why do it again? Well, that's simple. I wanted it to be a choice that I made, a decision on my part to walk with Jesus and be a follower. My parents were awesome for baptizing me, but I really didn't feel like it was a choice I made. Being baptized last summer brought me closer to God because I was able to make that choice. It wasn't forced on me - it was something I had thought about, acted upon, and chose for myself. Of course, with God leading me. This time it was up to me to walk with Jesus. This helps answer my where question, because this is where my relationship with God started to really mature.

But how did I get there?

A series of only a few events lead me to Scott and being baptized. I can probably list them in 10 things or less. Here it goes (from most current to oldest)

1. Student Training Program
2. His House Christian Fellowship
3. Sam
4. Bible Study at the yellow house (summer after graduation)
5. Vespers, Benton, and Dane
6. Eric
7. Krystal & Brenda
8. Church in Calumet
9. My dad.

See? I knew I could do it! Let's start with number 9 - the oldest. My dad played an enormous role in me becoming Christian. How could he not? He was a pastor himself. However, as much as I wish it was, it wasn't his sermons that helped me believe. I didn't listen to those when I should have. It was actually him getting sick, being in the hospital, and not seeing him for weeks at a time. That was my own teenage fault. I could have went to visit him, but I was terrified. I talked to him on the phone, but I was scared of looking at him. I spent a lot of time in Calumet staying with friends, and going to church with them. Thats where number 8 comes in. It seems like everyone at church knew what was going on with my dad, so they were all very supportive of me. I was hugged, prayed for, and talked to. I loved knowing that people cared about me.

This also helped my relationship with Krystal and Brenda - number seven. We became closer than ever, and talked about God and believing more often. Then we met Eric - number six. Actually, I can't say we "met" him. We already knew him, but we started talking to him more and more. He invited us to this worship service for college students on Sunday nights. Number five - Vespers. I fell in love instantly. It was people my age (well, a little older as I was still in high school) all getting together to worship. Instead of learning from people a lot older than me, I was learning from people my age. It all started to make more sense to me. Benton and Dane quickly became friends to me, and soon it was summer. This is number four - bible study. I can't remember who invited us first - Benton or Eric, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we were invited and we went. This was a big move for me especially. Even though I was the pastor's daughter, I didn't know as much about the bible as I thought I should. I was scared to go, but was also hanging on the edge of my seat wanting to learn more.

After bible study every week and the occasional bonfire and barbeque with everyone, summer ended, and I was off to college! And at college is where I met one of my great friends, Sam (number 3). He was one of the first, and kindest, people I met at college, and introduced me to His House Christian Fellowship(number two). Without him, I don't think the rest of that list would have been able to exist. He encouraged me so much, and I don't think I ever said thank you enough. So thank you, Sam!

Finally, number one on my list was the Student Training Program. All I can say about it was it was simply amazing, and I learned more about myself than I thought I would. I met Scott, who was our host, and three days later I was baptized in the river by Scott, with new friends there to cheer me on.

End of story? Of course not! That'd be too easy. Now we know the background story of how I came to believe. But why?

This part is easy, but hard at the same time. I believe because I can't imagine not believing. I believe because of the feeling I get when I read the bible, and when I hear and sing praise music. I believe because of the people in my life. I believe because I know God is there. He's listening. He's the friend I can (and often do) lean on when there doesn't seem to be anyone else.

Of course, if someone were to ask me why I believed, that's not what I would tell them That's too long, and one of the lessons Sam taught me was to be short and sweet with it. So here it is in a nutshell:

Before I became Christian, I was bitter, selfish, and had a short temper. When my dad became sick, I felt I couldn't turn to him, and instead turned God. I found a friend in Him when I felt most alone. With God in my life, I was a new person - self-less, happy, and patient.

Stolen from Emmy...

1) Spell your name without an E - easy: kirti :)
2) Are you currently in a relationship? no, but have my sights set :)
4) Do you like your life right now? yes and no (good answer, i'll stick with that!)
5) What was the last item you bought? A car...
6) What was the last thing you drank? water.
7) Who was the last person you hugged? my best buddy krissy :).
8) What are your piercings? one in each earlobe, one in my right upper ear.
9) do you think your breath smells? Dunno..
10) What plans do you have for tomorrow? Church, mother's day activities..
11) What do you hate? not knowing people here! I miss my friends :(
12) Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? the couch..
13) Are you texting anyone? jeffery.. and also mandy
14) Do you have a best friend? yep :)
15) How are things between you and your friends? not perfect, but then, what is? :)
16) What is your favorite romance movie? Moulin Rouge
17) What was the last compliment that you received? Hair.. definitely the hair
18) Do you forgive and forget? Yes, generally right away. It sometimes does more harm than good though.
19) Would you rather love with a guarantee of a heartbreak or never love at all? "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge. My answer is DEFINITELY LOVE!
20) What is more important, happiness or trust? they're both equally important, and its hard to have one without the other
21) Has anyone close to you ever passed away? My dad (RIP)
22) What are you thinking about right now? thinking about going to bed, but not wanting to :)
23) Who was the last person to tell you they love you? one of my friends
24) Do you think they meant it? i think so :)
25) What time did you go to bed last night? 12:30, maybe.
26) What was the last movie you watched? Juno for like the fourth time :-D
27) What CD is in your stereo? I don't really have a stereo, I just my ipod. Hm.. in my car I think Vampire Weekend (they rule, listen to them!)
28) Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? Hasn't ended, really, but the distance was made way too far.
29) Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? depends on my mood
29) Are you a beach or a snowy mountain person? beach. I'm all about the water.
30) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? yeah.

roots before branches

Today I was flipping through the channels on the TV, not something I do very often. I stopped on ABC Family because a phrase on the screen caught my eye - "Roots Before Branches." It made me think (of course! What doesn't? :-)).

Anyway, thinking about family makes me happy, so why not? I love my family. They mean the world to me, and I couldn't thank them enough.

What really surprises me about this phrase is just how true it is. Last year I started emailing back and forth with my eldest brother, someone I had never met before. It might sound weird or crazy, but I immediately saw him as family. Not only because we he has half the same DNA as me, but because of how easy it was to talk to him. I wasn't worried about impressing him, I wasn't worried about him not liking me. All I was worried about was getting to know my half-brother.

It's funny how family can do that to you. No matter what happens, they're there. No matter how long you've known them, they're there. Friends (branches) are definitely important too, but you cant have branches without roots. Roots provide growth, and nutrients. In a sense, that's what family does, too.

I'm proud of my roots.

Feelin' Revived

So today I went to my old church for the first time in a very long time. I'm visiting the area, and was really excited to be able to see everyone again. I was also really happy to hear Travis (an old pal from Vespers) giving the sermon, and really liked what he had to say. I definitely agreed with everything he had to say.

Part of what he talked about was judging. Who are we to judge others? Christ loves everyone, even those who don't believe. How can we judge them differently? How can we look at someone walking down the street, see multiple tattoos, piercings, maybe even drugs, and judge that person? Does God judge him? No. God loves him. God has a place in Heaven for him, just like me and you. Is it right to judge him? Absolutely not. Do we? Always. We judge people whether we know it or not. We judge clothes, we judge decisions people make. Should we do this? Lets look to the bible for that answer.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judge. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1-2

Lets think about this. Here, in plain words, we are told "Do not judge." That's the apparent answer. These verses also tell us that if we do judge (which all humans do) we too are judged. Do we like that? I for one don't like being judged.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5

I really love those verses. It makes complete sense. Sure, this man you see and judge may need help, but look at yourself. Do you sin? Yes. Is there ways you can help yourself before helping him? Definitely. You aren't perfect, just like he isn't.

Do we have any place to judge someone God loves so much?

Sometimes I forget to think about this, to look to what the bible says. Sometimes I judge others. Who doesn't? Sometimes it takes reminders from others, from God. Sometimes you need to take a step back in order realize that what you're doing is indeed wrong.

Thank you, God, for reminding me through Travis.

Alone on Christmas

I feel you here, as the snow flies by
The fire crackles and songs of Christmas fill my mind
I hear songs of love, songs of joy,
A song my heart once sang.
The same song you taught me.

The night goes on, the stars are lost
The music seems to echo in this empty house
The walls, once vivid and bright,
now seem as dull as the snow.
Why did you have to leave?

The twinkle of the Christmas lights taunts me.
The glittering reminds me of you, your eyes.
So in love, so happy, so warm.
What did I do? What did I say?
It doesn't feel like Christmas anymore.

The fire is fading, the lights unplugged
Your pillow is cold, your hat no longer hanging
The music has stopped, leaving me alone
Christmas joy, Christmas cheer, Christmas sorrow this year.
It's just not Christmas without you here.

take me there...

Man, I love Rascal Flatts right now. Every time I listen to it, it just sort of floods me with emotions. It makes me miss Houghton and my friends. It makes me sing. It makes me happy. It's amazing how listening to one simple song can do that. I am definitely glad with this cd purchase!

So, I'm not so sure where to go from here. I'm a nursing student, yay! But my passion is in writing. I can't get enough of it. I don't know what to do, really. Or where to go to school. Currently enrolled in LSSU, but I really miss my friends. I'm debating going to school with them. Maybe not for another year, but I do miss the area more than anything right now. I just wish I had an easy button for this situation - family, or friends? Hometown, or new town? It's hard. Part of my heart belongs to my family, but the other part to friends. I'm being torn in two. Yes, making new friends would be easy. But are they the same friends I stayed up with on numerous school nights? Are they the friends I had silly arguements with? Are they the one's I'm completely comfortable with? No. Those friends, my true friends, are in Houghton. Nobody can replace them, just like nobody can replace my family. I don't know what to do.

I just wish someone would take me there - to where I need to be. Where I belong. I want to be taken to that place that I'll call home for the rest of my life. Where work and raise a family. Where my friends will always be there. I'm waiting. :)

Just Don't Let Go

Probably one of the greatest things to do on a laid back day is go to a local music store. Actually, any place that sells CDs, really. Why is this so great? Well, if you have enough money to purchase a CD, I recommend buying something you've never heard of. Sure, you might not like it - but what if you do? What if you discover that you enjoy a new genre of music? If you don't like it, you can always sell it online, or give it to a friend.

Today I did just that, granted I had to leave the country to do it. The closest music store is in another country - who would have thought? Anyway, at this store, CD Plus, they had a wide variety of EVERYTHING. So, after searching through every CD with Brenda, we decided that "Make it Blur" by June looked really snazzy. IT IS! I have never heard of this band, or anything about them. However, after one listen I was completely in love. I totally recommend them, and buying other random CDs.

"You are not alone, so hold onand don't let go. You are not alone, I see a course you can't control. I can feel your face in front of me. Please don't let this get the best of me and I'll lay back down cause we're coming home tonight. California has its time but it's always keeping you from my side." - "Just Don't Let Go" by June

More Time

Do you ever just wish there was more time in the world? More time to lay in bed all day, to stay up all night. More time to just lay on the beach and listen to the waves (yes, it's pathetic, I know). More time to tell someone you love them?

I certainly wish there was more time for everything. I wish I had had more time with my dad; I wish I had more time to blog! I haven't actually written a blog in a long time. But, with a new laptop, a new city, comes a new opportunity to blog. I can't wait to get into it!

First off, I definitely moved away from college. If you were to ask me a year ago where home was, I would definitely have a quick answer of Houghton. I never thought that in a year that answer would change so many times. I finally feel settled here in Sault Ste Marie, but I'm still trying to get into the swing of things, really. I guess that goes along with needed, or wanting, more time.

Everyone wants more time at one point or another, but for now I'll try to make the most of the time I'm given. And that includes time to sleep :)

Once Again...

Well, I've decided to make a new blog. Why? Well, my old blog was wonderful, I loved it! But it also had a lot of things that don't really make sense now. A lot of things that I don't want to keep.

I want this blog to be more personal, more deep, than what movie I saw last weeked, or what I'm doing after school. I want it to be me.

It was hard to get that feeling with my old blog. Sure, I could delete the old posts that I don't want. I could change it completely. But making a new one just kind of seemed like a fresh start. You may notice a few of the same posts, though...